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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page