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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.