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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
My cardio is shopping.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.