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I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.