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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.