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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon