Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.