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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?