Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.