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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.