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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.