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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
drink beer ?? save water
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.