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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.