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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...