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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.