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"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.