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If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.