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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.