Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.