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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.