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have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.