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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..