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Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
I make a great second impression.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.