Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?