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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.