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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.