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So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!