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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.