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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
My inner child is a drunken whore
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.