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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
only fights if pillows are present.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.