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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.