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Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.