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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.