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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic