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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”