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I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?