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I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?