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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.