Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.