Daily Silly Status

Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."

Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.

I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.

Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?

My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.

Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS

My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.

I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.

Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.

I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.

The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.

I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling

I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m

I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.