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I asked my kid “do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It’s so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?