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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?