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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards