Daily Silly Status

I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.

Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct

Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.

If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.

That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive

This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.

Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.

I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!

If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.

A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.

I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.

Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.

There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?