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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!