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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
For Christmas I just want summer...
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?