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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.