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Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I read Facebook for the pictures.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.