Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her