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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.