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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!