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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours