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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.