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Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen