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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.