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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Iām the kind of guy who dreams about naps while Iām asleep.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!