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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.