Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.