Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m