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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.