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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.