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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.