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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.