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A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...