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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
is available for rebound sex.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.