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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink