Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.