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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.