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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Plan B includes margaritas.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Don`t waste my timeline.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.