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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.