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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.