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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.