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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.