Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?