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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.