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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Carfax but for people
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.