Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.