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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
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I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.