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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.