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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.