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First fart at my new job.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.