Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!