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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?