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Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
i like boobs
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.