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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.