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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, Iām really disappointed with Bill Gates.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.