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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
My whole life is based on a true story...